THANKFUL.

So I know I spit out alot of depressing blog posts, but the depressing thoughts are the ones that have the most impact on me. DONT GET ME WRONG, Im so thankful for so much. I look back at where my life was headed 5 years ago and I realize how lucky I am to belong to the amazing church family I have. not to mention my home family too. thankful means you realize what you have thats amazing in your life. The friendships I have, even though they bring me hell alot of the time, I wouldnt give for anything. Becky, Savannah, Hill, Rhianna, Paula, Nicky, Jenna, Joryli, Esther, Rebekah, Sterling and whoever else if your reading this, thankyou so much for being my shoulder to cry on and my rock. I needed you and you were there, always. I know how lucky I am to have you all and I dont tell you enough.

Why do people change...? People change because OTHER PEOPLE have an impact on them. You all have changed me into someone I like. I like who I've become and you and many other have alot to do with that. So happy I get to do life you all by my side.

Its over.

Theres some sort of peace that comes with being hurt to the point you cant hurt anymore. You've done probably the worst you can to me, knock on wood. Theres nothing more you can do that would make my heart hurt more, no more damage you could do. In the end, I'm better then both of you. Time to get better now.

"life" is a 4 letter word.

I've come to realize, that if you find life easy, its because you live it based completely on yourself. Life is easy when you dont take other peoples lives into account. The reason dealing with other peoples problems is so draining is because YOU cant do anything to change them. The only thing we can change in life is the way we choose to see things.

don't read it if you think you like who i am.

there's this little something called pride. its been getting in the way recently. i pretend to know what i'm doing, i pretend i'm happy, i pretend its not killing me. all to fool everyone else into thinking i'm alright. I know why I'm doing what i'm doing in my life right now, God's shown me little by little what effect i have on others lives. I'm still hurting, I'm not going to lie. I could have the best day and still come home to a depression i pretend isn't there. I have God and yes, that means I'm never alone, but I still have to find ways of distracting myself from my real feelings. these feelings of loneliness. i keep trying to tell myself its not about him, but it is. It's because since I have been trying to get over him the RIGHT way, the good way, it just feels like something is missing. Unlike the cruel and very usual way he chose to, replacement. It makes me want to do the same, but I don't think its funny to screw with peoples hearts, because its irreversible damage. i hope you two are happy together, which is of course sarcasm, because i just feel incomplete. Don't get me wrong, i know we're not supposed to be together, but i just cant shake this feeling. Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to. I should have never trusted you.

thiswasmyinspiration.

You gotta take the good with the bad,
the happy with the sad.
Love what you got,
and remember what you had.
Always forgive, never forget.
Learn from the past, but never regret. 
People change,
things go wrong,
but in the end
life goes on.

YUM.

Here you are, ladies. Feast your eyes on some babes ;)

p.s. I realize the last one is close to porn, so viewer discretion is advised.

(avert eyes)

duh du duuuuuuun.

stupid boy.

So it is coincidence that the very day I create a blog to help me believe in the very saying "Life goes on" that I have an epiphany about who I've just spent the last 7 months of my life with? I THINK NOT. All I want to say is THANKYOU, you stupid boy, for helping me all the more carry on with my life. Because you, starting to date some new, nasty girl, ONE WEEK!!! after we break up, IS NOT okay. we both know that this is just a rebound from the best girl you'll ever have. I was always too good for you, thank the lord I figured it out sooner then later. now your just another bastard. so here's to all the girls that have cried over the wrong guy. you were never worth one tear of mine. I'm spending less time being sad, and more time realizing how much better I can do. screw you.

my love

i would just like to point out that dt vancouver is my favorite place to be.

first LEGIT post.

i got a big heart full of deep ideas and my worst down fall is caring too much.