don't read it if you think you like who i am.

there's this little something called pride. its been getting in the way recently. i pretend to know what i'm doing, i pretend i'm happy, i pretend its not killing me. all to fool everyone else into thinking i'm alright. I know why I'm doing what i'm doing in my life right now, God's shown me little by little what effect i have on others lives. I'm still hurting, I'm not going to lie. I could have the best day and still come home to a depression i pretend isn't there. I have God and yes, that means I'm never alone, but I still have to find ways of distracting myself from my real feelings. these feelings of loneliness. i keep trying to tell myself its not about him, but it is. It's because since I have been trying to get over him the RIGHT way, the good way, it just feels like something is missing. Unlike the cruel and very usual way he chose to, replacement. It makes me want to do the same, but I don't think its funny to screw with peoples hearts, because its irreversible damage. i hope you two are happy together, which is of course sarcasm, because i just feel incomplete. Don't get me wrong, i know we're not supposed to be together, but i just cant shake this feeling. Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to. I should have never trusted you.